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"I don't believe what I do because I am a polytheist animist; I am a polytheist animist because of what I believe."

This is paraphrasing Paul Mitchell speaking on Druidcast Episode 51, who made a similar statement in relation to druidry. 

I came to the reconnectionist polytheist community rather late in life.  My fundamental beliefs though have remained unaltered since I was 6 years of age^.   I know this seems ridiculous given people learn and grow over their lifetime, but the core of my beliefs have not altered, rather I have expanded, and deepened my understanding of the universe and my place in it over the years.   I never really understood the whole Catholic culture within which I was raised.  I honestly thought Catholicism, indeed Christianity as a whole, was just an eloborate play put on for children.  I felt the same way about Santa Claus.

I have always believed in the ability to manipulate reality, i.e. magic – a recent thread on a forum confirmed this wherein I noted one of the books that changed my life was a book of fairytales full of people who could wield this supernatural power.  I never believed in just one god who created all (a.k.a. intelligent design), but I sort of understood an underlying energy force that permeated everything whether supposedly alive or inanimate, but I could not express this until I was much older.  I always thought I was odd because of these thoughts.   Bearing in mind I attended religious schools, everyone around me seemed deeply religious and so I felt an outsider by believing what I did.   As I grew up and moved onto another religious school, I had conversations with my principal (Sister Marcella) about how the bible could be reconciled with scientific thought.  Sister Marcella was very patient with me and gave me pause for thought, but I still felt like my beliefs were unacceptable to society as a whole.   Even through the New Age movement, I didn't quite gel with what other people said was so.

Finding the pagan religions late in life didn't really change my beliefs.  My first encounters were with neo-wicca groups and, though these groups held similar beliefs, we were never really a match.   Cue chance encounter with a heathen and suddenly hard polytheism* comes into view.   You would think I might have encountered or, at the very least, googled these religions and their names long beforehand, but the internet wasn't that big when I first found the pagan communities.  As the world wide web expanded and Wikipedia came along, I began to understand how my thoughts, seeded as a child, and now maturing, were not unusual but were the subject of study; had modern-day followers and adherents; and had names.

These days there seems to be a reluctance to use labels, but, for me, why use a long-winded monologue to express what you believe, when you can reduce it to a few words.   Finding a term for my beliefs came as a relief because I had grown up with people who identified with Catholic and Christian, just two short words that encapsulated all that they held dear, whereas I had none.

There are many words that can express a single part of me, but none that encapsulate the whole, no one word really could, when you think about it, e.g. I have more than one given name as well as my surname.   So, if you want to know more about me, here are some labels which you can attach to me:

animal, animist, bibliophile, bitch, confidante, consumer, cousin, creator, dabbler, Darwinist, daughter, descendant, destroyer, diviner, drop-out, female, fool, foreigner, friend, grand-daughter, heathen, human, immigrant, interloper, introvert, listener, niece, observer, pagan, photographer, (wannabe) poet, polytheist, predator, reader, romantic, shrew, sister, student, subject, thinker, traveller, watcher, woman ...

I will continually add to this list over the coming weeks as I do some further exploration.  Apply any of the above labels to me, if you will, I truly don't mind.  They don't define me; well, not all of me, just one small part of who I am.























^ I'm sure you've heard this before and you're sick of it, probably don't even believe it, but do read on.
* I use the term hard to distinguish between those polytheists that believe all god/esses are one god/ess, and those who believe as I do that all are separate individuals/identities.  In no way does the use of hard imply my beliefs are truer or superior to those of soft polytheists.

Lost Scottish Folk Tales to be Published Online

Today, the BBC published an article about the notebooks of Alexander Carmichael being published online.   It is believed that his Carmina Gadelica, published in 1900, contained only one-tenth of his material, so when the material from his notebooks is published online at The Carmichael Watson Project today, we should be in for a treat.

I am going to try and find a way to see the Exhibit at the Edinburgh University Library.

Revelation

In concentrating on my own pursuits, I have come to learn something I found rather surprising.   The religion in which I grew up, the religion I thought was wholly ingrained in one line of my family is only three generations deep.

As it turns out, my links to Ireland are to a protestant line in all but one branch of my family tree.  The conversion is mostly likely because of my ancestors married a Catholic and, at the time, the church required those marrying a Catholic convert before marriage.

I have found it interesting to learn there are practices within my family line that would be considered dubious, if not wholly unacceptable by the church and to learn that there are two definite lines along which my predecessors were known for certain things that might fall under the heading of psychic or magical.  Until I explored my personal beliefs and came to my current path, I had never heard these things discussed, yet the more I delved into my family tree, the more my family became open to discussing those who came before and, given my interests, provided me with information which they thought relevant.

I don't claim to come from a long line of witches - certainly no-one in my family wants to be associated with such a term - but what modern day pagans and witches might term magical practices or psychic ability certainly has shown itself in my family's past, they just didn't use the same terms I might.   I have found it suprising, always believing I was the only one who held such interests.   To learn, just last year that one of my cousins (whom I thought devoutly Catholic) is heavily into Crowley was also somewhat of a shock.

I have had some very interesting conversations with my grandmother about her little nuances but the idea that I might equate this with a religion or magical practices is abhorrent to her as she is extremely anti-religion/faith, being a confirmed atheist.   Even so, her knowledge of certain areas is invaluable to me and, if I can catch her in the right frame of mind, we have interesting discussions about "knowing".

All in all, I realise now that rather than look to the outside for inspiration, or influence I should have been looking to my own clan all along.

Making Connections

So I realise I have been quiet with this blog and an update is long overdue, for which I apologise. I haven't really much to say, as not much has really caught my attention or had an impact.

I missed my trip to the megaliths of Wales owing to illness, but during my convalescence I renewed my acquaintance with my family tree research, prompted by a query from a distant cousin researching one particular branch. Since then, I have spent more time getting to know my ancestors - who they were and what they did.

I've found myself spending the same amount of time on the internet, though mostly sifting through archives for information on ancestors rather than the websites I usually visit. As it turns out, I didn't miss a lot of the websites I once visited and so, once again, I had a huge spring clean and many websites have fallen by the wayside; most of them pagan or pagan-related.

It's time, I think, I concentrated on the things I enjoy, rather than pottering around places on the net to fill in time at work when it's quiet. So, my resolve is to spend more time learning about the family members from my past (and trying to find that elusive Scottish connection - I may actually have one!), spend more time on my photography, my reading and writing of poetry, and learning Gaelic. Life is far too short to just fill in time and, I believe, to do so would be a disservice to myself; and, to my mind, somewhat dishonourable to the memory of my ancestors who might have placed a much higher value on "free time".

So, if things remain quiet here, you'll have an idea of what I might be up to.

Callanais - Looking Down the Avenue

Dunchraigaig Cairn, Kilmartin

Taken on 2010 tour of Scotland and Outer Hebrides with Megalithic Tours.  I fully intend to return to the Kilmartin area to explore the historical sites and spend some time at the wonderful Kilmartin House Trust Museum.

Three Stones of a circle located on Machrie Moor

A picture taken on a tour of the west of Scotland with Megalithic Tours in 2010.  One of the many stone circles of Machrie Moor on the isle of Arran.

Prayer of the Woods

prayer of the woods, a photo by krist.lawrence on Flickr.

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This image has appeared on a few blogs that I read recently and, well, I like it, so it's being posted here, too. Given the UK government's recent strategies, this seems more than appropriate.

This images comes courtesy of Krist Lawrence, who posted it on Flickr.

Review: "Ravenwood" by Nathan Lowell

Author:  Nathan Lowell
Format:  Podcast/Audiobook

After reading other reviews of "Ravenwood" I decided to download it and give it a try as my preferred listening option on the commute to and from work. The author, Nathan Lowell was a far superior narrator his own story than others to whom I had listened and, though the plot developed slowly, I was happy to listen further to the pleasant reading.

I have to admit I was at a loss as to the time and place that Tanyth, the main character, inhabited. At once, it seemed to be the past but I could not figure the exact time or even a location and this niggled me - just a little. After a while, however, I settled into her story and as new characters were slowly introduced I felt more and more comfortable.

The story centres around Tanyth, a woman who travels (on foot) from place to place learning from the wiser of her sex about herbs - growing, eating and medicinal applications. To keep herself safe she travels dressed as a man and it is clear, almost from the start, there is something in Tanyth's past which has led to this path; her history is glimpsed occasionally as the story develops.

On her way to meet another wise woman, Tanyth finds herself in a hamlet of young people who seem a little out-of-place. As one of their number falls ill, Tanyth skills are called for. Eventually the residents convince Tanyth to stay over the winter before resuming her travels and teach two of the community's number to do for themselves, their own healer having passed away. Tanyth finds herself undergoing personal changes in the hamlet, as the residents and their activities come under scrutiny from undesirables.

"Ravenwood" is peppered throughout with rituals which have their basis in wicca and paganism; some of this feels a little forced, whereas the herbal lore easily slips into the storyline. It also contains a fair bit of violence, and I found it difficult to listen to one section near the end of the story in which the author describes some wounds rather graphically. Nathan Lowell is very descriptive, but not overly so, to the point where a picture is easily built within the mind. He manages to create the environment and atmosphere of Ravenswood, slowly but surely, and eventually you fall into Tanyth's world only to be disappointed when you finally leave, all the while hoping that you will one day be able to return. Nathan Lowell has indicated this is part one of further adventures of Tanyth Fairport and I, for one, will be listening again.

Rating: 4/5.

Earth Hour 2011

Tomorrow I will be taking part in Earth Hour, an event organised by the World Wide Fund for Nature (otherwise known as the WWF) as a reminder to ourselves, and world leaders that we need to tackle climate change, and our impact on nature urgently.

It started just four years ago in Sydney, but has now grown to a world-wide phenomenon. It's easy to take part, and easy to register. It's a great reminder of just how much we rely on technology we don't need, because you will have fun with the lights off (No! Not necessarily that kind of fun) and the power off. Boardgames by candlelight, storytelling by firesides and so on.

Really, I urge you to take part, let's see what the stars really look like over our cities when the lights go down for an hour. It's not much, even my workplace take part as do a number of usually brightly-lit landmarks.

Go on: register now. Just be sure to click on the right link for your country.

And, enjoy the company of friends by candlight for a hour tomorrow.