Final Resting Place

This is a picture of my grandmother's final resting place.  My maternal grandmother died in August 2012, and her ashes were scattered today, 22 December 2012. 

Her picture is now the main focus of my ancestral space in my home, as my grandmother has had more influence on me in later life than any other person.  My gran will live on - in my heart.

Changes

All has been quiet here for a few reasons.  Firstly, I moved home rather unexpectedly.  I upgraded from a studio flat on a farm to a house next to a park with my own garden.   I also received some rather nice housewarming gifts, one of which can be seen in the photograph: a lovely statue I had admired for ages which finally came up for sale, but was presented to me.

Secondly, I lost my best friend and grandmother rather unexpectedly, despite the fact she was 92.   With her went the last link to the secrets of our family line.  More importantly, I lost my confidante.  Coincidentally, my grandmother passed on the day set aside in myth for the funeral games in honour of Lugh's foster-mother, Tailtiú.   

These changes have been significant and, as one would expect, have led to introspection.  I am not sure what the outcome will be, or how it will affect my writing here.   It's a case of wait and see.

Until next time ...

Random Conversations

Had a rare conversation with my grandmother yesterday about the inheritance within the maternal line of her family of premonitory abilities, and the prominence for us of events that fall on the 13th of any month.

We've had similar experiences, as has my mother, but before yesterday, I had no idea my great-grandmother also inherited these oddities.   I was aware that my grandmother's hitherto lost relatives were all spiritualists, perhaps influenced to be so by their experiences, but my great-grandmother was very secretive and eschewed anything (that fell even slightly) outside the socially acceptable/conventional.

For my part, I always buy a lottery ticket on any Friday the 13th, so that if a major/significant event is to occur, I might have some influence over it.

Revelation

In concentrating on my own pursuits, I have come to learn something I found rather surprising.   The religion in which I grew up, the religion I thought was wholly ingrained in one line of my family is only three generations deep.

As it turns out, my links to Ireland are to a protestant line in all but one branch of my family tree.  The conversion is mostly likely because of my ancestors married a Catholic and, at the time, the church required those marrying a Catholic convert before marriage.

I have found it interesting to learn there are practices within my family line that would be considered dubious, if not wholly unacceptable by the church and to learn that there are two definite lines along which my predecessors were known for certain things that might fall under the heading of psychic or magical.  Until I explored my personal beliefs and came to my current path, I had never heard these things discussed, yet the more I delved into my family tree, the more my family became open to discussing those who came before and, given my interests, provided me with information which they thought relevant.

I don't claim to come from a long line of witches - certainly no-one in my family wants to be associated with such a term - but what modern day pagans and witches might term magical practices or psychic ability certainly has shown itself in my family's past, they just didn't use the same terms I might.   I have found it suprising, always believing I was the only one who held such interests.   To learn, just last year that one of my cousins (whom I thought devoutly Catholic) is heavily into Crowley was also somewhat of a shock.

I have had some very interesting conversations with my grandmother about her little nuances but the idea that I might equate this with a religion or magical practices is abhorrent to her as she is extremely anti-religion/faith, being a confirmed atheist.   Even so, her knowledge of certain areas is invaluable to me and, if I can catch her in the right frame of mind, we have interesting discussions about "knowing".

All in all, I realise now that rather than look to the outside for inspiration, or influence I should have been looking to my own clan all along.

On Revelations

Sandy wrote: 

"... you are BORN a witch, you know from your childhood you were different but didn't know why and most Trads I know have spent years battling with themselves, experiencing life which gave them the wisdom to not only understand what they were but to also accept it and live with it passionately!"

Wow! That's a neat summary of my life, thus far.

"There are no hard and fast rules about what is Traditional Witchcraft but what I can tell you is that it stems from family generations. Sometimes a few generations are skipped then its picked up again by someone down the line. Things change and evolve."

"... committing themselves to the Trad lifestyle is a major step in one's life.

It is totally immaterial whether you are a lineaged Trad or a self-acknowledged Trad. The most powerful Trad witches I have met were unaware of a family lineage!

Family "lineage" doesn't matter one iota on this site, and it shouldn't on any Trad site!

You have to have an inner conviction that you are a Trad Witch. Let me stress one essential Truth. A witch is born NOT made!

The Trad witch has the conviction within his or her quintessential being that he or she is a Trad witch. Life's experiences will confront this person. The absolute conviction of your true being will eventually determine your status as a Trad witch. It is not dependent on a supposed lineage, so-called initiations, or extensive reading. It just is - quite independently."

I spent most of last night ruminating on the above quotes. I think the reason my life has been hard to bear is because I spent so long trying to fit myself into the mould of my father's family, their beliefs, morals and ethics. If you were to scratch below the surface, you would have found I was just mouthing the words to please others; none of it truly touched me. Even at a very young age, I would question my parents and teachers on matters of belief. I never received the right answers, IMO.

My father's faith excel at indoctrinating guilt and fear, so I was reluctant to look to outsiders for answers. I have to admit to dabbling in my teens with a witchcraft-type group, but they terrified me which added to the schooling in fear I received from the church, and I vowed to steer clear of witchcraft, magic, voodoo and anyone outside of the norm/average.

I went through the New Age movement; after all, its hardly threatening (though one priest's sermon in Ireland had me thinking otherwise). I still didn't find what I needed. I was in close to my 30th birthday when I realised I was both pagan and following the line of traditional witchcraft. I started actively seeking out those from traditional lines. With every group I met, I came closer to finding those who felt as I did. I began to open up to my family. Now, both my parents are fine with my beliefs and actively question me on things they don't comprehend from my blogs.

The real revelation for me came when I started discussing these matters with my supposedly aethiest (maternal) grandmother - let's call her Spitfire. Meditation and astral projection were some of the first techniques I discussed with Spitfire. To my surprise, Spitfire related her experiences wherein she used these inherent skills to escape some rather gruesome experiences throughout her life. We discussed at length what she did and how she did it. As time went by, and I learned more skills, I would engage her in discussion, only to find that Spitfire had gone there before me. Of course, Spitfire doesn't use these terms, or any of the other words we might recognise as modern witches; and she loathes the idea of being called a witch. To her mind, they are mad people who run around naked in the woods howling at the moon.

It was during one of these discussions that Spitfire related her tale of being born with a veil, i.e. she was touched, meaning she would be fey or psychic according to the folklore traditions in the area in which she was born, lore which was subsequently proved true in her case. I had always known that one particular line of the maternal family tree was strangely devoid of religious leanings, and I began to see why.

My mother, too, has opened up about certain abilities she had kept hidden most of my life. I guess when you marry into an ultra-religious family, you learn to keep your mouth shut about anything that might be considered otherwordly.

Most of these revelations occurred in my 30s. My life might have been very different had the women of my family not been suppressed. The struggle I have undergone (and still, sometimes, endure) has been of some benefit, but what other challenges might there have been, had I been schooled at my mother's, and grandmother's feet? How much further along on the path of understanding would I be?

If I had not taken the time to explore my own beliefs and abilities, would any of my descendants explored traditional witchcraft? If so, they might never have known of their family practices.

So, I wonder: how many witches have an unknown hereditary line? Is there a possibility is that all witches are born?

And, I find an accord with the last quote in that I came to it independently. I guess we all have to, don't we?

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What I am wondering is how many people were lost altogether because of silence borne out of oppression? I was lucky in that I never really bought into the church's ideals, so never truly found bound by them. When I put two continents between myself and my family I felt free to pursue whatever I wanted, regardless of the cultural mindset of those with whom I lived.

I also wonder how of the affect on future generations. Given one of the posts I read about children being taken into care, how much can we really (safely) pass on to our own descendants? And, if we withhold information, are we necessarily putting them at a disadvantage? Are we alienating future generations?

For instance, my grandmother never made mention to my mother about the nature of her birth, or her skills. My mother always dismissed her own abilities, not knowing the link she had with her mother, or with me. That's two undeveloped generations already. I have been very fortunate in that I have a good relationship with my elders (again, something that came with a lot of difficulty), and can freely discuss my thoughts with them, but how many people feel they can't actively discuss their practices/beliefs with their parents and/or their own children? I know its a bit futile to wonder "what if", but it doesn't stop me thinking or pondering on what ripples I might be sending down the line of my own descendants through my current actions.

Even if I hadn't struggled to find my path, I perceive there might have been other struggles. I don't think one can come to traditional witchcraft without some form of barrier being put up, either internal or external - I just don't perceive it works that way. Its never felt like something to be handed over on a plate.