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"I don't believe what I do because I am a polytheist animist; I am a polytheist animist because of what I believe."

This is paraphrasing Paul Mitchell speaking on Druidcast Episode 51, who made a similar statement in relation to druidry. 

I came to the reconnectionist polytheist community rather late in life.  My fundamental beliefs though have remained unaltered since I was 6 years of age^.   I know this seems ridiculous given people learn and grow over their lifetime, but the core of my beliefs have not altered, rather I have expanded, and deepened my understanding of the universe and my place in it over the years.   I never really understood the whole Catholic culture within which I was raised.  I honestly thought Catholicism, indeed Christianity as a whole, was just an eloborate play put on for children.  I felt the same way about Santa Claus.

I have always believed in the ability to manipulate reality, i.e. magic – a recent thread on a forum confirmed this wherein I noted one of the books that changed my life was a book of fairytales full of people who could wield this supernatural power.  I never believed in just one god who created all (a.k.a. intelligent design), but I sort of understood an underlying energy force that permeated everything whether supposedly alive or inanimate, but I could not express this until I was much older.  I always thought I was odd because of these thoughts.   Bearing in mind I attended religious schools, everyone around me seemed deeply religious and so I felt an outsider by believing what I did.   As I grew up and moved onto another religious school, I had conversations with my principal (Sister Marcella) about how the bible could be reconciled with scientific thought.  Sister Marcella was very patient with me and gave me pause for thought, but I still felt like my beliefs were unacceptable to society as a whole.   Even through the New Age movement, I didn't quite gel with what other people said was so.

Finding the pagan religions late in life didn't really change my beliefs.  My first encounters were with neo-wicca groups and, though these groups held similar beliefs, we were never really a match.   Cue chance encounter with a heathen and suddenly hard polytheism* comes into view.   You would think I might have encountered or, at the very least, googled these religions and their names long beforehand, but the internet wasn't that big when I first found the pagan communities.  As the world wide web expanded and Wikipedia came along, I began to understand how my thoughts, seeded as a child, and now maturing, were not unusual but were the subject of study; had modern-day followers and adherents; and had names.

These days there seems to be a reluctance to use labels, but, for me, why use a long-winded monologue to express what you believe, when you can reduce it to a few words.   Finding a term for my beliefs came as a relief because I had grown up with people who identified with Catholic and Christian, just two short words that encapsulated all that they held dear, whereas I had none.

There are many words that can express a single part of me, but none that encapsulate the whole, no one word really could, when you think about it, e.g. I have more than one given name as well as my surname.   So, if you want to know more about me, here are some labels which you can attach to me:

animal, animist, bibliophile, bitch, confidante, consumer, cousin, creator, dabbler, Darwinist, daughter, descendant, destroyer, diviner, drop-out, female, fool, foreigner, friend, grand-daughter, heathen, human, immigrant, interloper, introvert, listener, niece, observer, pagan, photographer, (wannabe) poet, polytheist, predator, reader, romantic, shrew, sister, student, subject, thinker, traveller, watcher, woman ...

I will continually add to this list over the coming weeks as I do some further exploration.  Apply any of the above labels to me, if you will, I truly don't mind.  They don't define me; well, not all of me, just one small part of who I am.























^ I'm sure you've heard this before and you're sick of it, probably don't even believe it, but do read on.
* I use the term hard to distinguish between those polytheists that believe all god/esses are one god/ess, and those who believe as I do that all are separate individuals/identities.  In no way does the use of hard imply my beliefs are truer or superior to those of soft polytheists.

Moving Away from Paganism

This topic has arisen - again - in several forms over the last few days.

Today, I read a blog about pagan atheists, and then these two blogs, "Outgrowing Paganism?" and one of the responses, "Pagans are not a Community nor a Tribe -- Not Yet" on another blog. These linked to the article by pagan author, Carl McColman, [read his list of book titles here] on his converting to Catholicism from paganism, "After the Magic". Yesterday, I read the Rambling Corkgirls blog entry "Afraid of Gods?", which talked about the rise of atheist paganism and the attendant reader's comments.

I am curious as to other pagans might consider the reason people are turning away from paganism.

Personally, I don't buy the argument is because we are not a community or tribe, nor am I sure that people are "afraid of the gods" (though this was a tongue-in-cheek title). It seems strange to me, having come from a Catholic background, and having researched the tenets of several religions before realising my beliefs fell under the umbrella of pagan, that people could outgrow paganism and become atheists - just because the gods were silent. I have never believed the gods should always speak to us.

Similarly, I cannot understand Mr McColman's reasoning for Catholicism: the magic left, meditation didn't work anymore. As someone else recently said:

'The magic left?' So what about the catholic priest who claims to magically transform a wafer and a few drops of vino into the body of his God, by way of some mumbled mystical mutterings? Meditation didn't work anymore? So what about the spiritual exercises of the Jesuits, compliments of 'Saint' Ignacius De Loyola? Or the mind numbingly boring constant repetitious prayers of the rosary before a plaster catholic idol of your choice?

Source: An Fianna.

It like giving up a diet because you've hit a plateau, isn't it? Or, am I completely missing the point?

I should point out that I do not equate being pagan with a lifestyle choice, i.e. a countryside dweller and/or undertaking "green, crafty, farming, gardening, knitting or whatever activities" (to paraphrase a comment made at this blog).

Any thoughts, ideas welcome.

Six (Not So) Random Things About Me

I have been tagged by The Shepton Witch and Bee-Leaf.

The guidelines are:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

As this blog is specific to my pagan path, I will endeavour to keep my revelations relevant to posts I've made here.

1. I was raised Catholic, but renounced that religion at age 19. I had known for quite a while I didn't hold with any of the tenets of the church. Actually, I was seven when I starting asking awkward questions of my parents and my primary school's nuns and priest.

2. I was born in Australia, a country with which I have little affinity. I always felt like a stranger in that land, but I never knew how much until I emigrated.

3. My ultimate goal is to move to Scotland, which I feel is my "true" home. I had never been there until four years ago, but the country stole my heart.

4. I am attempting to learn to speak Scots Gaelic. I was going to learn Irish, but when I discovered Scotland, I changed my mind. Now all I need to do is find a local tutor.

5. The gods bypassed me when they were doling out creativity: I have none whatsoever. I have several family members who are artistic, being musicians, painters, dancers, cake decorators, seamstresses (my uncles can all sew), leadworkers, and so on.

6. I have a sneaking suspicion the god of the Christians/Muslims/Jewish exists; its just I've never encountered him, in any way, shape or form. I have a feeling he's hiding from all those people pleading with him to solve their problems in the (mistaken?) belief he is all powerful. Just one of the many gods who cause me to consider myself a hard polytheist.

So, here are the six bloggers I'm tagging.

Beirn;
Caroline Hardy;
Hermit Life;
Kit Berry;
Sara Macha; and
Wendy Mewes.

Christian Vows

Yes, I am posting a topic relating to Christianity on a pagan blog, but there is good reason. I was reading (on one of the fora of which I am a member) about the dishonouring of the vows and affirmations made on (our) behalf at baptism and christenings. Given my post on Making and Breaking Oaths back in May, I had to think about this.

First of all, at baptism my parents and godparents undertook vows to school me in the ways of Christ, and affirmed that they repent of their sins and renounce evil/satan. Well, its up to them as to whether they upheld those values. Nothing was required of me at the time, so I consider I have not broken faith with anyone in this regard.

However, my confirmation is another matter. I undertook that myself, though not necessarily of my own free will. I attended a convent and, before we made our way to high school, we were required to take our confirmation. I wasn't too enamoured with the whole process, but I really had no alternative, being 11 years of age. I did choose a confirmation name; one that fitted with my other names and had nothing at all to do with the saint I most admired. I did choose my sponsor; a neighbour whose outlook on life was wonderful, not because he was devout. I do remember mumbling through most of the service, but not being very happy about all the hours we undertook working towards it.

It was the same for my first confession, in which I rattled off things I thought the priest might expect from someone my age, not what I really thought, i.e. that the whole thing was a farce. My communion was no different. I was a child and my parents, and, more especially my grandparents, had expectations of me. I fulfilled those as a dutiful grand/daughter, but most of what I did as a Catholic was done with my fingers crossed from the age of 5 when I first attended school and figured out life was far more complicated than the church, and the bible, would have you believe.

At 19, I held a little, itsy bitsy ceremony and renounced my religion. No-one was in attendance, and I didn't renounce deity, just the whole Catholic system. I felt it was the only thing I could do, even though I knew several good people who were devout Catholics, including my Aunty Pat (as she is affectionately known), a woman so kind, so giving, so forgiving she ought to be cannonised before her demise and my school principal, Sister Marcella who tried desperately to reconcile the bible with origin of species theory. I had no faith left in the Church, and the majority of its members seemed such hypocrites. The priests were often drunk, moaned about not having enough money for the church repairs whilst driving around town in a large Mercedes, and employing a full time housekeeper, despite a convent full of nuns living opposite. Certainly, it seemed as though they were never short of a good meal, nor did the nuns for that matter. My own grandmother would steal flowers from people's gardens on her way home from church.

Everything I read about the religion into which I had been baptised seemed false and I could no longer stomach it. I was an adult, supporting a family of four and felt I was able to choose for myself. So, one day I decided to voice my feelings.

Of the questions I was asked and what I was required to say, things have moved on a bit - to say the very least. I don't repent my sins, as I am not sure what a sin is anymore. I turn away from Christ, as a deity. I know he lived; its recorded, but he is not my idea of a god incarnate. I don't reject evil, either. I accept it is a part of our world. I believed this when I took confirmation, too, so its an odd question to answer. The only one I did not answer honestly (at the time of my confirmation) was accepting Christ into my life, because I didn't though I said I did. Once I left primary school, our family seemed to abandon regular church attendance altogether and I had a feeling that might be on the cards, but I went along with the rest of the congretation and answered in the affirmative.

So, do I consider I've broken vows? No.

I felt I undertook the whole process under duress in the first place; I certainly wasn't sure about what I was being asked to do, and I never took the process seriously, even if others did. Certainly, the Christian god does not appear to have punished me for leaving the Church. I have a feeling he might be disappointed with the Catholics, and if he had a choice, he'd probably renounce all affiliations with them, too.