Focus

I'm not at all well at the moment and am in considerable pain. The prospect of surgery (again) terrifies me, so I am attempting to deal with the issue using other means, including magical work.

This is not working as I cannot focus. Its not the pain, I've worked through that before. Its the stress of what will happen if I have the surgery. The long convalescence, the time off work need to recover during harsh economic times resulting in termination of my employment, further debts, etc. Every time I try to focus in order to get to a state from which I can alter my situation, I last about a second before all the stresses reappear and my mind goes into freefall ending at panic.

This has led me to believe something is seriously wrong, not necessarily on a physical level, but somewhere deeper. Only, its Catch 22, because I cannot concentrate long enough to locate the problem, let alone the symptoms. I can see I have my work ahead of me over the weekend. It could not have come at a worse time, though. I have a lot to do before the year ends and very little time to myself to achieve my goals without the interference of old problems/illnesses.

That "Arse Doctrine" is seriously getting up my ... ahem ... arse these days.

Arse Doctrine of Polytheism - Sucks

I was thinking about the current state of my life this morning, after suffering some injuries inflicted by an inaminate object, and Toby Lamb's "Arse Doctrine of Polytheism" came to mind, more particularly this sentence:

"The (gods) that cause the most pain in your particular arse won't let you not talk to them, so just get on with it and quit moaning."

Why? Because I would like to know which of the gods I'm not talking to enough to deserve the gargantuan pains in my arse.