Spirituality during a Crisis

My start to 2013 was poor having spent a considerable amount of time being ill, and confined to a hospital, and then home - I'm still unwell.   Despite this, for whatever reason, I never appealed to my gods, I didn't think to meditate or engage in my spirituality on any level.

Reflecting on this, I realise how odd my behaviour seemed.  If I had been in a similar situation in my younger days, I would have offered prayers and made appeals to a god I didn't really believe in, yet, here I am firmly entrenched in my chosen polytheist path, and while enduring this latest health crisis I made no attempt to connect with my gods, or use any of the methods I have learned over the years to improve my situation.   Why?

It could have been my brain was frazzled from the lack of sleep over an eight (8) day period, and fuzzy from high temperatures and infections, even so, shouldn't my faith has been my comfort?  A solution to the deep, dark place in which I found myself?

How could I have forgotten such a major part of my life?  Even when I noticed that my religion was not noted on my admission forms, I thought to amend them, but never did.  All was forgotten.

I feel this is something on which I should reflect/meditate.   Why did I feel so distant from my gods, the spirits of place, my core.   How do I get that connection back so I never forget during a crisis again?

I should never have felt so alone, knowing my gods, and the spirits of my land as I do.   It is obvious something in me needs to change, and this should be my focus for 2013.

Home

I have recently returned from a trip to Australia, a country I can no longer call "home". Even flying over the Northern Territory (the first point of contact) I felt alienated. Don't get me wrong, as a land Australia has a unique, fascinating and beautiful quality, but it's not one to which I can relate.

Within hours of arriving, after the drive from the airport to my sister's place of residence, I longed to be back in the UK. The sounds, the smells, the spirits of the place I found myself in were now alien to me. I even found the energy a little hard to "tune into" and quickly tuned out. Given I was born there, I should have attuned better, but I didn't. In fact, I did nothing even remotely pagan whilst I was there. No little rituals, no meditations, nothing. I didn't feel comfortable practising my faith in that country. Even being by the ocean offered no comfort to me and the ocean was always my saviour in low times when I was younger.

So, now I am back in the British Isles and I feel I truly am home. I understand and connect with this landscape, more so in the north, but, where I am now is comfortable for me.

Every time I travel to Australia, I feel more and more alienated from that country. It's a shame, but I know now that I could never return permanently; my faith is rooted here.