I'm not at all well at the moment and am in considerable pain. The prospect of surgery (again) terrifies me, so I am attempting to deal with the issue using other means, including magical work.
This is not working as I cannot focus. Its not the pain, I've worked through that before. Its the stress of what will happen if I have the surgery. The long convalescence, the time off work need to recover during harsh economic times resulting in termination of my employment, further debts, etc. Every time I try to focus in order to get to a state from which I can alter my situation, I last about a second before all the stresses reappear and my mind goes into freefall ending at panic.
This has led me to believe something is seriously wrong, not necessarily on a physical level, but somewhere deeper. Only, its Catch 22, because I cannot concentrate long enough to locate the problem, let alone the symptoms. I can see I have my work ahead of me over the weekend. It could not have come at a worse time, though. I have a lot to do before the year ends and very little time to myself to achieve my goals without the interference of old problems/illnesses.
That "Arse Doctrine" is seriously getting up my ... ahem ... arse these days.
15 August 2008
13 August 2008
Spirit of Place/Genius Loci
It became apparent during my recent trip across the northern border that I somehow more "in tune" with the spirit of Scotland than with England. Although I had only ever crossed the border whilst in an aeroplane before, and we were travelling on a motorway at the time, I immediately knew when we had crossed the border - the whole feel of the place changed and I felt like I was coming home. It was the same on the return journey, I instantly knew the moment we had crossed back into England - it felt flat to me, whereas Scotland had felt vibrant.
When I finally came back on-line, it was with interest I noted various conversations about genius loci and how some are welcoming and some are not. It was especially noteworthy given the conversation I had with Fae (from my tour group) about her experiences of local spirits in Derbyshire and how she had paid her respects to one at the entrance to a quarry, only to be ousted by another close to the quarry walls. It was interesting, too, in light of one particular member of the tour group, who insisted on overpowering the brí with her essential oils, crystals and ringing bells, rather than tuning in to the natural energies.
These past few years, it has been my practice upon entering a new landscape to attempt to acknowledge the local wights or spirits in order to ensure I am not encroaching on hallowed ground or stepping on anyone's feet. Sometimes I get a warm feeling, sometimes nothing and on the odd occasion I've received a very cold reception indeed and promptly left. If I remember, I try to take something as an offering - something appropriate such as local seeds for the birds in a wood, or fruit to be placed about the roots of trees for ground animals and so on. I refuse to use things that aren't biodegradable such as crystals or ribbons, such as can be seen at holy wells or even standing stones these days. I even offered something up to the spirits of the North Sea on recent ferry crossings - needless to say each went smoothly.
I'm not saing that everyone needs to make an offering or even acknowledge local spiritis/deity (or else suffer some horrific experience), just that a respect for the landscape, its history and your place in it is preferable to trampling all over the place with total disregard to the ecosystem of which humankind is a part.
As I have progressed along my pagan path, I have become more aware of the difference in energy and the individual guardians of various place. There are times when I still remain completely closed to such influences, but these are becoming less frequent as I choose to stay "open" to what is happening around me. I am not quite so sensitive as to be able to tell the difference between parishes, but I can tell some counties apart and a lot of rivers are beginning to show their individuality, too. At least, I can tell when I'm in Cornwall, England, Wales, Scotland or Ireland - each has its own feel. Scotland is very much a country of localised wights, as is Ireland. Wales has a different overall feel, but then I've only been there once, so perhaps were I to visit today, I would get a sense of difference between local areas. Cornwall certainly has a myriad of genius loci and marked difference between coastal areas and those inland, who appear to be a little more cautious than curious.
I have to admit to not knowing the names of any of these guardians/spirits/wights, but there is a definite sense of them and sometimes a vision occurs. Perhaps names are reserved for local residents who build up relationships with the landscape, rather than interlopers like myself.
Having had this conversation with Fae, I wonder how many others have had similar experiences?
When I finally came back on-line, it was with interest I noted various conversations about genius loci and how some are welcoming and some are not. It was especially noteworthy given the conversation I had with Fae (from my tour group) about her experiences of local spirits in Derbyshire and how she had paid her respects to one at the entrance to a quarry, only to be ousted by another close to the quarry walls. It was interesting, too, in light of one particular member of the tour group, who insisted on overpowering the brí with her essential oils, crystals and ringing bells, rather than tuning in to the natural energies.
These past few years, it has been my practice upon entering a new landscape to attempt to acknowledge the local wights or spirits in order to ensure I am not encroaching on hallowed ground or stepping on anyone's feet. Sometimes I get a warm feeling, sometimes nothing and on the odd occasion I've received a very cold reception indeed and promptly left. If I remember, I try to take something as an offering - something appropriate such as local seeds for the birds in a wood, or fruit to be placed about the roots of trees for ground animals and so on. I refuse to use things that aren't biodegradable such as crystals or ribbons, such as can be seen at holy wells or even standing stones these days. I even offered something up to the spirits of the North Sea on recent ferry crossings - needless to say each went smoothly.
I'm not saing that everyone needs to make an offering or even acknowledge local spiritis/deity (or else suffer some horrific experience), just that a respect for the landscape, its history and your place in it is preferable to trampling all over the place with total disregard to the ecosystem of which humankind is a part.
As I have progressed along my pagan path, I have become more aware of the difference in energy and the individual guardians of various place. There are times when I still remain completely closed to such influences, but these are becoming less frequent as I choose to stay "open" to what is happening around me. I am not quite so sensitive as to be able to tell the difference between parishes, but I can tell some counties apart and a lot of rivers are beginning to show their individuality, too. At least, I can tell when I'm in Cornwall, England, Wales, Scotland or Ireland - each has its own feel. Scotland is very much a country of localised wights, as is Ireland. Wales has a different overall feel, but then I've only been there once, so perhaps were I to visit today, I would get a sense of difference between local areas. Cornwall certainly has a myriad of genius loci and marked difference between coastal areas and those inland, who appear to be a little more cautious than curious.
I have to admit to not knowing the names of any of these guardians/spirits/wights, but there is a definite sense of them and sometimes a vision occurs. Perhaps names are reserved for local residents who build up relationships with the landscape, rather than interlopers like myself.
Having had this conversation with Fae, I wonder how many others have had similar experiences?
12 August 2008
Paganism is the Worship of Nature?
This was a topic at one of the various fora I occasionally browse. Apparently, in order to be a bona fide pagan you have to worship nature.
Well, you can imagine some of the responses: "... the rede says harm none", etc., wherein the majority seem to forget that many pagans are not Wica, Wicca, wiccans or weekenders, but follow a tradition outside of witchraft and magic.
Its the same with druidry; people assume its nature worship simply because of the way the modern movement conducts itself. Ancient druids were the lore/law keepers and, whilst they may have respected nature and learnt as much as they could about it, they did not worship it. They had their own, local deities whom they honoured and respected, but, again, it would appear they did not worship. Rather, a relationship was built and maintained.
Many pagans live in cities and, despite access to nature, do not feel the need to go off every day and commune with it, but rather live their lives pretty much the same way everyone else does. What makes them pagan is the gods or ancestors they honour, or the way they think about life (such as animists) and how that affects every aspect of their lives.
I understand many come to a pagan path through environmental concerns, or because they want to get more "in tune" with nature, but its a mistake to believe all pagans are vegetarian nature lovers. We're not. Most of us are quite aware that Mother Nature is "red in tooth and claw" and we do our utmost to respect her, but that doesn't proclude us from being hunters or, indeed, from greedily consuming all of her attributes. Most eco warriors would be appalled I'm sure. I kinow of one particular hard-nosed pagan who happily admits to eating ready meals, being single and unable to cook.
Just because those few who are nature worshippers tend to be the loudest, doesn't mean they are in the majority, either. In pagan circles, the majority appear to remain quite silent, getting on with things rather than actively promoting their various causes.
Well, you can imagine some of the responses: "... the rede says harm none", etc., wherein the majority seem to forget that many pagans are not Wica, Wicca, wiccans or weekenders, but follow a tradition outside of witchraft and magic.
Its the same with druidry; people assume its nature worship simply because of the way the modern movement conducts itself. Ancient druids were the lore/law keepers and, whilst they may have respected nature and learnt as much as they could about it, they did not worship it. They had their own, local deities whom they honoured and respected, but, again, it would appear they did not worship. Rather, a relationship was built and maintained.
Many pagans live in cities and, despite access to nature, do not feel the need to go off every day and commune with it, but rather live their lives pretty much the same way everyone else does. What makes them pagan is the gods or ancestors they honour, or the way they think about life (such as animists) and how that affects every aspect of their lives.
I understand many come to a pagan path through environmental concerns, or because they want to get more "in tune" with nature, but its a mistake to believe all pagans are vegetarian nature lovers. We're not. Most of us are quite aware that Mother Nature is "red in tooth and claw" and we do our utmost to respect her, but that doesn't proclude us from being hunters or, indeed, from greedily consuming all of her attributes. Most eco warriors would be appalled I'm sure. I kinow of one particular hard-nosed pagan who happily admits to eating ready meals, being single and unable to cook.
Just because those few who are nature worshippers tend to be the loudest, doesn't mean they are in the majority, either. In pagan circles, the majority appear to remain quite silent, getting on with things rather than actively promoting their various causes.
Personally, I see nature as something to be understood, honoured and respected, but not something to be worshiped. I don't even worship my gods! My particular path doesn't call for such behaviour. I am learning as much as I can about my ancestors ideals in terms of personal codes of conduct and relationships with deity and I try to incorporate that into my everyday life. Not all of it relates to nature, nor should it. I am no Jungle Jane living self-sufficiently apart from the rest of society. I work in the city and reside in a semi-rural location. My choice of residence has more to do with peace and quiet than a desire to be near to nature in order to worship at its feet.
When entering a new landscape, I do try to connect with the spirit of place/wights/genius loci and usually leave some type of offering, but I do it in the hope of receiving a warm welcome and being allowed to explore, but isn't it just a form of respect? I mean, you wouldn't go and visit someone at their house without taking a little something would you?
I wonder how many reading this blog worship nature?
11 August 2008
Online Pagan Dating Sites
I have to admit to deciding that I wanted to get on the dating scene back in January. I sort of dabbled with one pagan dating site at the time, but didn't take it any further. While on hoilday, I realised that my time on this earth is landsliding away and I can't keep putting off things that require considerable effort - such as dating and relationships.
So, once I had my photographs processed and I had made a start to write up my travel journal, I did a few internet searches for pagan dating sites. Considering how important my beliefs are to me and seeing some of the attitudes of outsiders to pagans, not to mention my quirks (apart from being pagan), I thought it best to stick with those that my understand where I was coming from. Since I am not that fussy about looks (preferring intellectual stimulation), having eclectic tastes in music, food and other areas, and with location not being an issue, I figured there would be at least some decent gentlemen out there with whom I would want to at least strike up a conversation. How wrong could I be?
So far I have signed up with four different sites, including one with a popular organisation whose ethics I loathe, I am rather dismayed to find the only men worth considering have already found partners or are way too young for me - I draw the line at 25 FFS.
Is there no such thing as a decent pagan male who is single? What do you, dear reader, think? Have you any suggestions for me?
So, once I had my photographs processed and I had made a start to write up my travel journal, I did a few internet searches for pagan dating sites. Considering how important my beliefs are to me and seeing some of the attitudes of outsiders to pagans, not to mention my quirks (apart from being pagan), I thought it best to stick with those that my understand where I was coming from. Since I am not that fussy about looks (preferring intellectual stimulation), having eclectic tastes in music, food and other areas, and with location not being an issue, I figured there would be at least some decent gentlemen out there with whom I would want to at least strike up a conversation. How wrong could I be?
So far I have signed up with four different sites, including one with a popular organisation whose ethics I loathe, I am rather dismayed to find the only men worth considering have already found partners or are way too young for me - I draw the line at 25 FFS.
Is there no such thing as a decent pagan male who is single? What do you, dear reader, think? Have you any suggestions for me?
09 August 2008
At last ...
I have finished processing all the photographs from my trip. Its only taken me all week and some are still devoid of their correct names, pending information from members of the Megalithic Portal or The Modern Antiquarian fora.
This means I can now spend next week updating the blow-by-blow account of my tour on my personal blog so my family can read it. I hope, too, to spend some time writing about recent issues here, as there have been some interesting discussions on various pagan message boards in my absence; discussions which have given me pause for thought.
07 August 2008
The Return ...
To anyone who has taken an interest in this blog, I have an apology to make. I returned from my sojouirn in the north on Monday, but I have had no time to updates my online journals, as I am trying to process my photographs (around 1,000) and catch up on everything else at work.
I will have plenty to say once I have done the imaging work, as the tour to Orkney & Shetland was indeed an eye opener - as much for the people I encountered as the sites I visited.
All I ask is a little patience.
06 August 2008
Orkney & Shetland Tour - 2008
I had the privelege of meeting a very well known person from the pagan community on my holiday with Megalithic Tours. The night before the trip, we had dinner in a pub and I was able to discuss things with her that I had previously kept from everyone and it came as a welcome relief.
Because of our discussion, I feel as though I can be completely open about my experiences and my beliefs with other pagans without fear of denigration or derision. There was one post at this blog which concerned me and, though I did not receive any comments on it, I felt it was risky leaving it on the internet for all to read. However, Fae (not her real name) was reassuring and actually a great voice of reason. I thank the gods for Fae on that trip, as given some of the behaviours and attitudes of my fellow travellers, Fae helped me keep a straight head and a semblence of sanity throughout the tour.
We did have one rather annoying New Age type, who insisted on spraying every megalith, cairn or burual mound with her toxic essential oils before positioning herself in the most prominent part and lighting candles (more bad smells) and ringing bells in some sort of meditation. I do not know if she was cleansing the areas or not. She certainly had no idea of brí or bua, although I do feel the site guardians would soon rid themselves of the unsightly offerings from the crystal wielding madwoman. Needless to say, Fae and I felt the need to be "closed" for most of the trip and avoid this woman as much as possible. I managed to keep well enough away so as to keep my temper in check; Fae was not so lucky. Madwoman obviously sensed something on that first day and even mentioned Fae being "famous" at some point, not realising who she was addressing. Madwoman's behaviour seemed to affect the rest of the group, who all shared an interest in megaliths and many of whom would like to have spent their time doing their own attunements - everyone seemed rather inhibited by her actions and so refrained from any connections.
That is, until the last day where some distance was afforded and I could see others doing as I did and absorbing the brí. Funnily enough, this was the day that our bus was swamped by a large number of corvids blocking the road; they seemed to follow us this day and I think it had something to do with Madwoman and Fae. Fae has an affinity for birdlife, and given it was the last day, I feel she finally let loose on Madwoman, whose energy and enthusiasm seemed to wane.
What was also interesting on that last day was how loud the call from spirits of the woods came. Perhaps it was because there were few trees on Orkney and we did not stop near any of the wooded areas on Shetland, but the song eminating from the trees in Aberdeenshire was strong and very hard to resist. If I hadn't been on a bus with a set timetable, I would have wandered into the woods and spent my time reconnecting. Later that night, Fae agreed with me that the call had been strong, though I admit her energies had changed now that Madwoman had departed, Fae seemed a little erratic. Certainly, I had witnessed the change from warm openess to a giant wall on the first day of our trip, but this was something new.
I hope she recovered once back in her native habitat. I know I came down rather quickly upon returning to Kent - its felt so blah incomparison to Scotland and the northern isles. I suppose that had something to do with a betrayal that occurred in my absence, too, so I can't blame it entirely on the genius loci.
I must say that, despite the personalities with whom I travelled, the trip was very worthwhile. The chance to see the Shetland Isles I would not have missed for a box of gold (and that's saying something). I hope to return in the near future as there was so much to explore. We saw several sites, some I had seen before, others not - my only complaint was I would have preferred earlier starts so as to see more than we did, as we missed so much due to time constraints.
I am already making plans for next year's trip - more megaliths I think.
Because of our discussion, I feel as though I can be completely open about my experiences and my beliefs with other pagans without fear of denigration or derision. There was one post at this blog which concerned me and, though I did not receive any comments on it, I felt it was risky leaving it on the internet for all to read. However, Fae (not her real name) was reassuring and actually a great voice of reason. I thank the gods for Fae on that trip, as given some of the behaviours and attitudes of my fellow travellers, Fae helped me keep a straight head and a semblence of sanity throughout the tour.
We did have one rather annoying New Age type, who insisted on spraying every megalith, cairn or burual mound with her toxic essential oils before positioning herself in the most prominent part and lighting candles (more bad smells) and ringing bells in some sort of meditation. I do not know if she was cleansing the areas or not. She certainly had no idea of brí or bua, although I do feel the site guardians would soon rid themselves of the unsightly offerings from the crystal wielding madwoman. Needless to say, Fae and I felt the need to be "closed" for most of the trip and avoid this woman as much as possible. I managed to keep well enough away so as to keep my temper in check; Fae was not so lucky. Madwoman obviously sensed something on that first day and even mentioned Fae being "famous" at some point, not realising who she was addressing. Madwoman's behaviour seemed to affect the rest of the group, who all shared an interest in megaliths and many of whom would like to have spent their time doing their own attunements - everyone seemed rather inhibited by her actions and so refrained from any connections.
That is, until the last day where some distance was afforded and I could see others doing as I did and absorbing the brí. Funnily enough, this was the day that our bus was swamped by a large number of corvids blocking the road; they seemed to follow us this day and I think it had something to do with Madwoman and Fae. Fae has an affinity for birdlife, and given it was the last day, I feel she finally let loose on Madwoman, whose energy and enthusiasm seemed to wane.
What was also interesting on that last day was how loud the call from spirits of the woods came. Perhaps it was because there were few trees on Orkney and we did not stop near any of the wooded areas on Shetland, but the song eminating from the trees in Aberdeenshire was strong and very hard to resist. If I hadn't been on a bus with a set timetable, I would have wandered into the woods and spent my time reconnecting. Later that night, Fae agreed with me that the call had been strong, though I admit her energies had changed now that Madwoman had departed, Fae seemed a little erratic. Certainly, I had witnessed the change from warm openess to a giant wall on the first day of our trip, but this was something new.
I hope she recovered once back in her native habitat. I know I came down rather quickly upon returning to Kent - its felt so blah incomparison to Scotland and the northern isles. I suppose that had something to do with a betrayal that occurred in my absence, too, so I can't blame it entirely on the genius loci.
I must say that, despite the personalities with whom I travelled, the trip was very worthwhile. The chance to see the Shetland Isles I would not have missed for a box of gold (and that's saying something). I hope to return in the near future as there was so much to explore. We saw several sites, some I had seen before, others not - my only complaint was I would have preferred earlier starts so as to see more than we did, as we missed so much due to time constraints.
I am already making plans for next year's trip - more megaliths I think.
31 July 2008
Aura Reading
I popped into my friend's shop recently and they were having a mini-psychic day. Just inside the door was a lady doing aura sketches and I decided to have one, as she also seemed to be doing some psychic work. This was the result:
22 July 2008
And ... break
Will be away from the internet for a short while, so no new additions (including comments) to this blog until after Lughnasadh.
Christian Vows
Yes, I am posting a topic relating to Christianity on a pagan blog, but there is good reason. I was reading (on one of the fora of which I am a member) about the dishonouring of the vows and affirmations made on (our) behalf at baptism and christenings. Given my post on Making and Breaking Oaths back in May, I had to think about this.
First of all, at baptism my parents and godparents undertook vows to school me in the ways of Christ, and affirmed that they repent of their sins and renounce evil/satan. Well, its up to them as to whether they upheld those values. Nothing was required of me at the time, so I consider I have not broken faith with anyone in this regard.
However, my confirmation is another matter. I undertook that myself, though not necessarily of my own free will. I attended a convent and, before we made our way to high school, we were required to take our confirmation. I wasn't too enamoured with the whole process, but I really had no alternative, being 11 years of age. I did choose a confirmation name; one that fitted with my other names and had nothing at all to do with the saint I most admired. I did choose my sponsor; a neighbour whose outlook on life was wonderful, not because he was devout. I do remember mumbling through most of the service, but not being very happy about all the hours we undertook working towards it.
It was the same for my first confession, in which I rattled off things I thought the priest might expect from someone my age, not what I really thought, i.e. that the whole thing was a farce. My communion was no different. I was a child and my parents, and, more especially my grandparents, had expectations of me. I fulfilled those as a dutiful grand/daughter, but most of what I did as a Catholic was done with my fingers crossed from the age of 5 when I first attended school and figured out life was far more complicated than the church, and the bible, would have you believe.
At 19, I held a little, itsy bitsy ceremony and renounced my religion. No-one was in attendance, and I didn't renounce deity, just the whole Catholic system. I felt it was the only thing I could do, even though I knew several good people who were devout Catholics, including my Aunty Pat (as she is affectionately known), a woman so kind, so giving, so forgiving she ought to be cannonised before her demise and my school principal, Sister Marcella who tried desperately to reconcile the bible with origin of species theory. I had no faith left in the Church, and the majority of its members seemed such hypocrites. The priests were often drunk, moaned about not having enough money for the church repairs whilst driving around town in a large Mercedes, and employing a full time housekeeper, despite a convent full of nuns living opposite. Certainly, it seemed as though they were never short of a good meal, nor did the nuns for that matter. My own grandmother would steal flowers from people's gardens on her way home from church.
Everything I read about the religion into which I had been baptised seemed false and I could no longer stomach it. I was an adult, supporting a family of four and felt I was able to choose for myself. So, one day I decided to voice my feelings.
Of the questions I was asked and what I was required to say, things have moved on a bit - to say the very least. I don't repent my sins, as I am not sure what a sin is anymore. I turn away from Christ, as a deity. I know he lived; its recorded, but he is not my idea of a god incarnate. I don't reject evil, either. I accept it is a part of our world. I believed this when I took confirmation, too, so its an odd question to answer. The only one I did not answer honestly (at the time of my confirmation) was accepting Christ into my life, because I didn't though I said I did. Once I left primary school, our family seemed to abandon regular church attendance altogether and I had a feeling that might be on the cards, but I went along with the rest of the congretation and answered in the affirmative.
So, do I consider I've broken vows? No.
I felt I undertook the whole process under duress in the first place; I certainly wasn't sure about what I was being asked to do, and I never took the process seriously, even if others did. Certainly, the Christian god does not appear to have punished me for leaving the Church. I have a feeling he might be disappointed with the Catholics, and if he had a choice, he'd probably renounce all affiliations with them, too.
First of all, at baptism my parents and godparents undertook vows to school me in the ways of Christ, and affirmed that they repent of their sins and renounce evil/satan. Well, its up to them as to whether they upheld those values. Nothing was required of me at the time, so I consider I have not broken faith with anyone in this regard.
However, my confirmation is another matter. I undertook that myself, though not necessarily of my own free will. I attended a convent and, before we made our way to high school, we were required to take our confirmation. I wasn't too enamoured with the whole process, but I really had no alternative, being 11 years of age. I did choose a confirmation name; one that fitted with my other names and had nothing at all to do with the saint I most admired. I did choose my sponsor; a neighbour whose outlook on life was wonderful, not because he was devout. I do remember mumbling through most of the service, but not being very happy about all the hours we undertook working towards it.
It was the same for my first confession, in which I rattled off things I thought the priest might expect from someone my age, not what I really thought, i.e. that the whole thing was a farce. My communion was no different. I was a child and my parents, and, more especially my grandparents, had expectations of me. I fulfilled those as a dutiful grand/daughter, but most of what I did as a Catholic was done with my fingers crossed from the age of 5 when I first attended school and figured out life was far more complicated than the church, and the bible, would have you believe.
At 19, I held a little, itsy bitsy ceremony and renounced my religion. No-one was in attendance, and I didn't renounce deity, just the whole Catholic system. I felt it was the only thing I could do, even though I knew several good people who were devout Catholics, including my Aunty Pat (as she is affectionately known), a woman so kind, so giving, so forgiving she ought to be cannonised before her demise and my school principal, Sister Marcella who tried desperately to reconcile the bible with origin of species theory. I had no faith left in the Church, and the majority of its members seemed such hypocrites. The priests were often drunk, moaned about not having enough money for the church repairs whilst driving around town in a large Mercedes, and employing a full time housekeeper, despite a convent full of nuns living opposite. Certainly, it seemed as though they were never short of a good meal, nor did the nuns for that matter. My own grandmother would steal flowers from people's gardens on her way home from church.
Everything I read about the religion into which I had been baptised seemed false and I could no longer stomach it. I was an adult, supporting a family of four and felt I was able to choose for myself. So, one day I decided to voice my feelings.
Of the questions I was asked and what I was required to say, things have moved on a bit - to say the very least. I don't repent my sins, as I am not sure what a sin is anymore. I turn away from Christ, as a deity. I know he lived; its recorded, but he is not my idea of a god incarnate. I don't reject evil, either. I accept it is a part of our world. I believed this when I took confirmation, too, so its an odd question to answer. The only one I did not answer honestly (at the time of my confirmation) was accepting Christ into my life, because I didn't though I said I did. Once I left primary school, our family seemed to abandon regular church attendance altogether and I had a feeling that might be on the cards, but I went along with the rest of the congretation and answered in the affirmative.
So, do I consider I've broken vows? No.
I felt I undertook the whole process under duress in the first place; I certainly wasn't sure about what I was being asked to do, and I never took the process seriously, even if others did. Certainly, the Christian god does not appear to have punished me for leaving the Church. I have a feeling he might be disappointed with the Catholics, and if he had a choice, he'd probably renounce all affiliations with them, too.
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